Hello there! I'm TB and obviously, I'm looking for partners to engage in scenes! I have decided to divvy up this profile into four spots. What I'm looking for within scenes and what I'm expecting, What my preferences are in regards to kink/partners, A list of canon/scene prompts that we can discuss, and finally a writing sample.
[Alright! I managed 3/4 sections done! I think I might add one more simply to clarify what I'd like from you folks so you don't need to message me to ask if I enjoy 3rd person and can write 500 words (I can) to cut down on unnecessary PM's][/SPOILER]
In a sort of no-nonsense way of it. I'm looking to play submissive butch characters, typically characters that are acting submissive for the first time! It's a little in the name, even if it's a stretch.
So what do I mean by butch? I mean feminine characters that outwardly present themselves with more masculine characters, typically who are lesbians and play the "man" in the relationship. That really waters it down, and it doesn't contain all of what I'm willing to play, but I think it reinforces the idea of what I want! Here are some examples of faceclaims I like to play! Zarya, Syd, , Model I like but haven't named/made a character yet and last but not least Tresdin (Legion Commander Dota2) These are all generally "butch' references. Perhaps not the purest example of the species, but these are all references I would be comfortable playing as!
Much like gender and sexuality, I see butch on a scale! I will eagerly play a little bit more femme references, but I will have my limits. ALL my characters will share similar traits. They will have masculine tendencies, they will have been the top for their previous relationships. they will be uneasy presenting themselves in anything feminine, and they will only have dated females in the past!. You might ask why are you bothering to specify all that. I just want to make it clear what I like to play as to urge that I'm relatively flexible on that, and to signify what parts of the character I'd require to keep!
As for what I like in my scene? I enjoy scenes where these butches are experiencing being submissive for the first time! Which I know I already specified, but that's how important it is to me! I really enjoy these scenes where they are vulnerable for the first time. Taking a fish out of the water and then forcing them on land-type stuff! You'll find a lot of my kinks and scenes are based around these themes. Now am I opposed to not including these? No. But you better come at me with all guns blazing to impress me!
Finally and perhaps most importantly! I'm not just a female writer! I enjoy playing non-binary characters, namely Futa! What can I say, chick with dicks are hot, and there are certain kinks that are fun to include with that! By default, the character is going to be female, but if you like to add a surprise member please let me know and we can certainly include that! I would almost go out to say it's my favorite gender to play as, but by no means is it a requirement.
Also just to cover my bases. The characters I play are not transgender. Not because I dislike them, but because it would be an insult to pretend that they were. None of them want to be males, they are all proud females (even the ones with penises), they just present that way!
So what do I mean by butch? I mean feminine characters that outwardly present themselves with more masculine characters, typically who are lesbians and play the "man" in the relationship. That really waters it down, and it doesn't contain all of what I'm willing to play, but I think it reinforces the idea of what I want! Here are some examples of faceclaims I like to play! Zarya, Syd, , Model I like but haven't named/made a character yet and last but not least Tresdin (Legion Commander Dota2) These are all generally "butch' references. Perhaps not the purest example of the species, but these are all references I would be comfortable playing as!
Much like gender and sexuality, I see butch on a scale! I will eagerly play a little bit more femme references, but I will have my limits. ALL my characters will share similar traits. They will have masculine tendencies, they will have been the top for their previous relationships. they will be uneasy presenting themselves in anything feminine, and they will only have dated females in the past!. You might ask why are you bothering to specify all that. I just want to make it clear what I like to play as to urge that I'm relatively flexible on that, and to signify what parts of the character I'd require to keep!
As for what I like in my scene? I enjoy scenes where these butches are experiencing being submissive for the first time! Which I know I already specified, but that's how important it is to me! I really enjoy these scenes where they are vulnerable for the first time. Taking a fish out of the water and then forcing them on land-type stuff! You'll find a lot of my kinks and scenes are based around these themes. Now am I opposed to not including these? No. But you better come at me with all guns blazing to impress me!
Finally and perhaps most importantly! I'm not just a female writer! I enjoy playing non-binary characters, namely Futa! What can I say, chick with dicks are hot, and there are certain kinks that are fun to include with that! By default, the character is going to be female, but if you like to add a surprise member please let me know and we can certainly include that! I would almost go out to say it's my favorite gender to play as, but by no means is it a requirement.
Also just to cover my bases. The characters I play are not transgender. Not because I dislike them, but because it would be an insult to pretend that they were. None of them want to be males, they are all proud females (even the ones with penises), they just present that way!
Kinks! I'll just go ahead and mention that none of these are required....EXCEPT the fact that my character is eventually looking to be submissive! Kinda of the end goal, so picture a lot of these in with me being submissive in mind! These kinks will also be sorted into kinks when I'm playing as a Female (the base kinks) and kinks when I'm playing as a Futa (the bonus). Also as a reminder, these kinks are just the ones that pop into my head as my FAVORITE kinks. Required? By no means! Will I request and also kinda assume we might include them if you don't mention things? Probably it depends on how stigmatized the kink is
BDSM - A Kink that provides so much, but explains so little! It's really a bit too vast for it to accurately describe what I want, so that's what I'm here for! I love a ton of the aspects of BDSM, but for the most part, the fact that it sort of encourages one party to lead and the other to follow makes it that much more fun. It's like being led down an adventure, you need to trust someone, but if you do the rewards are orgasm plenty! Now personally I enjoy that really lovey-dovey type of BDSM, safeword, and cuddling afterward. The type of partner to spank an ass red and then massaged it until it stops hurting! But I also think it's fun when it's really rigid and almost corporate. Again it's a vast kink, and I could write multiple paragraphs describing my favorite parts, my future kinks will cover this. But if the whole shebang isn't your cup of tea, probably certain parts will be.
Anal - I think the ass is a fun hole to play in. It's taboo and lewd. It's something that isn't supposed to get penetrated, but often is because it's right next to the perfect hole! Don't be shy about trying the back door!
Bondage - What better way to ensure that someone stays in a proper position/power dynamic than making sure that they can't get around?
Sex Toys - Um duh? An often underutilized set of tools. My characters will often use them if they happen to be on top, there's no shame in getting some electronic or plastic help to really make the girl beneath you quiver. And of course, the character that I play will be no exception!
Role Reversal - This is probably the second "Um duh?" In a row. I've definitely specified characters who are for the first time experienced subbing. This certainly goes hand in hand, with a character that is normally considered dominant, taking the submission role, while normally their positions might be or would assume to be reversed. My bread and butter.
Orientation Play - This is the kink on the list that always has me feeling dirty. It is wrong to play into some people's fantasy of changing people's orientation. But I'd be wrong if I said that I didn't think Lesbian's trying dick for the first time wasn't hot. I definitely prefer the more "This is the right guy at the right place" with this theme, rather than the misogyny of it.
Erogenous Zones - By this I mean areas that might turn on a character that isn't directly on their genitals. Nipples, neck, your ears. A very realistic touch for me!
Feet - This kink is second place on the dirtiness scale. Look I don't know what it is, but I can get down with the feet stuff.
Humiliation - Wow that's weird how this comes up next! Whether it's simply taking the character down a peg, or even being grossed out by how they seem to be enjoying something a little atypical, you can never go too long without a little humbling.
Oral - I mean how is mouth stuff not hot?
Rimming - ^^
Size Difference - Size does matter, in the case of our bodies! But seriously whether it's a rather amazonian woman getting to finally meet someone who towers over her, or someone proving that brain > brawn, I'm down for our character having a tough time kissing in order to picture this.
Smothering - Is anyone looking to volunteer as my weighted blanket?
Feminization - Not so much in the sissification sense, but rather the idea of turning these butch women and making them more womanly! Give them painted nails, and make-up, even ask them to wear a dress!
Forced Clothes Wearing - Ooo you want to look at butches in bunny suits ooO
(Again think of these kinks when you think of my character's penis)
Orgasm Denial - This is just a fun kink, whether or not there's a dick involved, but for some reason, this tickles my fancy so much more when there is one! The cock helplessly throbbing there, the build-up just for no release. A giant fan!
Orgasm Milking - And they said you can't have too much of a good thing! That's a lie! Draining a cock is a perfect little juxtaposition for your sub if they think they have denial under control. Drain that dick until they can hardly stand!
Post Orgasm Milking - And if you really want to spice it up, add consecutive orgasms and make the sub regret every life choice.
Chastity - This is very much sometimes food, but this ties into orgasm denial very well!
Hands-Free Orgasm - A fun way to deliver orgasm. Whether it's through the ass or some other type of non-penile stimulation, having a character orgasm without touching their penis is a fun time!
Ruined Orgasm - The last time I'm gonna talk about orgasms I swear! I think this is just the cherry on top to punishing a bratty butch. Give her an orgasm, but just the worst kind!
CBT - Slow down there partner! We could honestly drop the T and replace it MP, mild pain. Whether it's mild slaps, or even biting. Some pain down here is an experience I like!
Frotting - Cock on Cock action. None of that pussy ass shit, just some cocks rubbing against each other, and first one to spew their load onto the other bottoms!
Premature Orgasm - I lied! The thought of having a hulking female beast of a female, and her spurting her load way too quickly is both equally funny and hot, so I love to include it
Toilet Stuff, Death, Abuse, Gore, Muscle Growth, Vore.
Not into any of these things, but I'm more than happy to clarify what I mean. I won't stop talking to you if you'd like clarification, but when I put my foot down, I put my foot down.
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Besides all of that, I'm roughly 65% sure that's almost all the kinks I wanna mention. If a scene calls for more specific ones than I laid out, I'll probably mention it, or you can mention it as well! I will never refuse a scene because for some reason you wanna shave my head or sexually crack my back, but I ask you to respect my limit, and I'll respect yours! But don't be afraid to ask me!
BASE KINKS
BDSM - A Kink that provides so much, but explains so little! It's really a bit too vast for it to accurately describe what I want, so that's what I'm here for! I love a ton of the aspects of BDSM, but for the most part, the fact that it sort of encourages one party to lead and the other to follow makes it that much more fun. It's like being led down an adventure, you need to trust someone, but if you do the rewards are orgasm plenty! Now personally I enjoy that really lovey-dovey type of BDSM, safeword, and cuddling afterward. The type of partner to spank an ass red and then massaged it until it stops hurting! But I also think it's fun when it's really rigid and almost corporate. Again it's a vast kink, and I could write multiple paragraphs describing my favorite parts, my future kinks will cover this. But if the whole shebang isn't your cup of tea, probably certain parts will be.
Anal - I think the ass is a fun hole to play in. It's taboo and lewd. It's something that isn't supposed to get penetrated, but often is because it's right next to the perfect hole! Don't be shy about trying the back door!
Bondage - What better way to ensure that someone stays in a proper position/power dynamic than making sure that they can't get around?
Sex Toys - Um duh? An often underutilized set of tools. My characters will often use them if they happen to be on top, there's no shame in getting some electronic or plastic help to really make the girl beneath you quiver. And of course, the character that I play will be no exception!
Role Reversal - This is probably the second "Um duh?" In a row. I've definitely specified characters who are for the first time experienced subbing. This certainly goes hand in hand, with a character that is normally considered dominant, taking the submission role, while normally their positions might be or would assume to be reversed. My bread and butter.
Orientation Play - This is the kink on the list that always has me feeling dirty. It is wrong to play into some people's fantasy of changing people's orientation. But I'd be wrong if I said that I didn't think Lesbian's trying dick for the first time wasn't hot. I definitely prefer the more "This is the right guy at the right place" with this theme, rather than the misogyny of it.
Erogenous Zones - By this I mean areas that might turn on a character that isn't directly on their genitals. Nipples, neck, your ears. A very realistic touch for me!
Feet - This kink is second place on the dirtiness scale. Look I don't know what it is, but I can get down with the feet stuff.
Humiliation - Wow that's weird how this comes up next! Whether it's simply taking the character down a peg, or even being grossed out by how they seem to be enjoying something a little atypical, you can never go too long without a little humbling.
Oral - I mean how is mouth stuff not hot?
Rimming - ^^
Size Difference - Size does matter, in the case of our bodies! But seriously whether it's a rather amazonian woman getting to finally meet someone who towers over her, or someone proving that brain > brawn, I'm down for our character having a tough time kissing in order to picture this.
Smothering - Is anyone looking to volunteer as my weighted blanket?
Feminization - Not so much in the sissification sense, but rather the idea of turning these butch women and making them more womanly! Give them painted nails, and make-up, even ask them to wear a dress!
Forced Clothes Wearing - Ooo you want to look at butches in bunny suits ooO
BONUS
(Again think of these kinks when you think of my character's penis)
Orgasm Denial - This is just a fun kink, whether or not there's a dick involved, but for some reason, this tickles my fancy so much more when there is one! The cock helplessly throbbing there, the build-up just for no release. A giant fan!
Orgasm Milking - And they said you can't have too much of a good thing! That's a lie! Draining a cock is a perfect little juxtaposition for your sub if they think they have denial under control. Drain that dick until they can hardly stand!
Post Orgasm Milking - And if you really want to spice it up, add consecutive orgasms and make the sub regret every life choice.
Chastity - This is very much sometimes food, but this ties into orgasm denial very well!
Hands-Free Orgasm - A fun way to deliver orgasm. Whether it's through the ass or some other type of non-penile stimulation, having a character orgasm without touching their penis is a fun time!
Ruined Orgasm - The last time I'm gonna talk about orgasms I swear! I think this is just the cherry on top to punishing a bratty butch. Give her an orgasm, but just the worst kind!
CBT - Slow down there partner! We could honestly drop the T and replace it MP, mild pain. Whether it's mild slaps, or even biting. Some pain down here is an experience I like!
Frotting - Cock on Cock action. None of that pussy ass shit, just some cocks rubbing against each other, and first one to spew their load onto the other bottoms!
Premature Orgasm - I lied! The thought of having a hulking female beast of a female, and her spurting her load way too quickly is both equally funny and hot, so I love to include it
Kinks to Avoid
Toilet Stuff, Death, Abuse, Gore, Muscle Growth, Vore.
Not into any of these things, but I'm more than happy to clarify what I mean. I won't stop talking to you if you'd like clarification, but when I put my foot down, I put my foot down.
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Besides all of that, I'm roughly 65% sure that's almost all the kinks I wanna mention. If a scene calls for more specific ones than I laid out, I'll probably mention it, or you can mention it as well! I will never refuse a scene because for some reason you wanna shave my head or sexually crack my back, but I ask you to respect my limit, and I'll respect yours! But don't be afraid to ask me!
So I'm going to list off some Canon characters that I can play as/use as references. I certainly bounce from wanting to use them in their canon setting playing as them, to simply using them as a face claim. Although don't consider these all the characters I play/all the settings I know. If I add a character from a canon that I have NO clue about, I'll make sure to clarify it!
Who could've guessed this one? But yes I have plenty of love/experience playing the big pink tank known as Zarya. I've done plenty of scenes with her in all sorts of roles. Zarya is a very special case, as I do have some small headcanons about her and often play certain elements of it when Zarya is just a body for me to use. Those might get a section of their own one day, we shall see!
Zarya has a lot of what I'm looking for. She's is a woman with the weight of the world upon her shoulders. From being a vital piece to the New Overwatch group, a soilder drafted in her army to defend her country, to also being someone that her hometown and family need to rely on. It feels like the weight on the world is on her shoulders.
I'm often looking for scenes where Zarya learns that she doesn't need to feel like that. She doesn't always have to be the strongest in the room, the most mentally there. Even the strongest person in the room should be able to confide and be weak every once in a while. That's often a central theme of what I like to play with her. Even if she isn't Overwatch canon.
I'm often looking for scenes where Zarya learns that she doesn't need to feel like that. She doesn't always have to be the strongest in the room, the most mentally there. Even the strongest person in the room should be able to confide and be weak every once in a while. That's often a central theme of what I like to play with her. Even if she isn't Overwatch canon.
Zarya x Everyone from OW2... What do you mean that doesn't narrow it down enough? Alright here's a list of my FAVORITE characters from overwatch as well as character I think would make the best scenes! I think any character from Overwatch could be fun! From Roadhog to Widowmaker! So don't let these discourage you! But gun to my head, I'd pick one of these if I had to choose! I could literally pick almost any character though!
Zarya x Hanzo
Zarya x Genji
Zarya x Ramattra
Zarya x Cassidy
Zarya x Ashe
Zarya x Mercy
Zarya x Moira
Zarya x Pharah
Zarya x Brigette
Zarya x Junker Queen
Zarya x Sombra
Zarya x Sojourn
P L O T L I N E S
Zarya x Hanzo
Zarya x Genji
Zarya x Ramattra
Zarya x Cassidy
Zarya x Ashe
Zarya x Mercy
Zarya x Moira
Zarya x Pharah
Zarya x Brigette
Zarya x Junker Queen
Zarya x Sombra
Zarya x Sojourn
P L O T L I N E S
She's 6'5, can bench press easily over 500 lbs and charges into the battlefield like she's itching for death! Is there anything that can stop her? Does the Soviet Menace have anything that could possibly stop her?
Needles. Who would've thought that a woman so large would be scared of something so small. But Zarya doesn't act positively to needles. Whether she's giving you the fits during a routine medical check up, or even out in the field and you need to deal with her quickly. There's probably a few ways that you can trick her into doing it, and learning some things along the way.
Needles. Who would've thought that a woman so large would be scared of something so small. But Zarya doesn't act positively to needles. Whether she's giving you the fits during a routine medical check up, or even out in the field and you need to deal with her quickly. There's probably a few ways that you can trick her into doing it, and learning some things along the way.
Tresdin the Legion Commander is a character from the hit MOBA Dota 2. She is my default for fantasy settings, strong woman covered from head to toe in armor looking for a fight? Love it! As much as I love Dota, it is pretty rare that I find someone interested in doing a scene inside that universe. So don't worry about knowing about her or her setting! She is easy to grate into any fantasy setting!
The demons has besieged the city. Humans and all sorts of races laid slaughtered in the streets. There was only one place that they hadn't been able to make a breakthrough, the center of the city. Around there stood a guard that could defend any such demons, the Bronze Legion. Headed by a tall, dark skinned woman, whom some had said that her walk terrified the hell fiends. Tresdin became a legend as she and her impromptu group of warriors cemented themselves in the history books. But that wasn't enough. It wasn't ever going to be enough, Tresdin had to hunt them down, she had to make sure they wouldn't ever make the mistake of trying to besieged her city again. The legion left the safety of the city walls, chasing after the scent of demons and having them fear anyone coated in bronze.
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Tresdin is a woman of great strength and willpower. Determination is the only word in her dictionary and she'll let you know the reason. She excels at situations in which the odds are against, defiant in every step of the word. But because of that, she also is irrational to a fault. Too confident that she can pull a rabbit out of her hat in any situation. Tresdin is also frustratingly locked onto her ideas. She much rather build a bridge across a river rather than travel a meter down to one that was already built. Some people despise the way she runs her legion, including some inside. There have been many mutiny attempts, none of has succeeded.
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Tresdin is a woman of great strength and willpower. Determination is the only word in her dictionary and she'll let you know the reason. She excels at situations in which the odds are against, defiant in every step of the word. But because of that, she also is irrational to a fault. Too confident that she can pull a rabbit out of her hat in any situation. Tresdin is also frustratingly locked onto her ideas. She much rather build a bridge across a river rather than travel a meter down to one that was already built. Some people despise the way she runs her legion, including some inside. There have been many mutiny attempts, none of has succeeded.
(Looking around, I often see writing examples. So I decided to do this! This is just a more generic non-overwatch Zarya having a therapy session! I did have the lines color-coded, but it didn't paste well from where I originally wrote this! So it might be confusing until I do so! But I think this is a decent example of what I can write by myself!)
Zarya let out a sigh as she settled into the almost comically stereotypical chair. It was impossible for those blue eyes to do anything but show content as they scattered around the room, looking from uninteresting object to uninteresting object as she crossed her arms, waiting for the therapist to get this thing started. Her black boots clicked together as she kicked them up, attempting to make herself somewhat…comfortable in an office. She didn't like to talk about her feelings at home so in a strange office? It was something she tried to get used to each time she stepped into one. Her arms were bare today, a sleeveless shirt that bared the branch of the military she used to be a part of, a pair of tight jeans that had different versions of a gray camo printed all over it. A pair of sunglasses slipped into the pocket of that tank top. Her legs crossed over one another, her hand gripping onto her muscular arms, naturally tracing scar without her even noticing. Her lips were already dry, but that was the nerves…It was crazy how she was calmer when under fire than in one of these.
Her body snapped to attention, before sitting back down. "Doctor Dorian" She greeted her.
"Aleksandra. But you prefer to just be called Zarya correct?" she stepped in with a half smile, taking a moment to settle in the opposing leather chair, this one allowing her to sit straight rather than reclined. She watched Zarya for a moment. "Are you not a fan of therapist Offices Zarya?" The woman asked.
"You know the other shrink asked the same thing." She began. "Hated them whenever I was sent to them. From the guidance counselor in school to the therapist in the army." She bit down on her bottom lip, already releasing the floodgate of her gripes. "I did such a good job at my last one I got sent here." The venom dripped from her voice as if she was being forced to go to these sessions and wasn't paying for them.
"You could've stuck with Dr. Ziegler, but we both agreed you might make better progress with me." Zarya looked over at her. Squinting at the sex therapist. "Would you mind indulging me why you don't like therapists?"
"I know, apparently it's a sexual issue…" She trailed off into a pause where she didn't quite believe that a muscled hand gripping her own thigh as she did something to help her think. "Look I like my problems…obvious. If I have a gaping hole in my chest, I can't avoid it and everyone can see it. With mental stuff, it's just…y'know, frustrating when I can't tell what's wrong, and I need someone to help with that." Zarya began to speak, twisting her head when she heard pencil to paper. "See that's why I don't like it! You didn't even tell me we stared!"
"I don't talk unless I get paid Zarya." There was a small smirk, but she continued on. "So, would you mind telling me why you stopped seeing your ex-girlfriend?"
The therapist could spot that entire body twitch for a second. "Damn, you don't hold back." Another second to pause and have herself think. "We just had to split our different ways." A very generic answer. "I simply think we weren't enjoying ourselves like we used to." There was their hesitation again. "Neither the company of one another nor the sex life." She clarified.
"Interesting." There was more marking on her paper. "How was your relationship with her? Both sexually and non?"
"It was…okay. I mean we got about as close as one can expect from a relationship that spanned half a year. I got to know, she got to know me. It wasn't ever tenuous or stressful, we just, lost the spark." There was a pause as she decided to clarify. "I will say the sexual spark turned off way before that. That probably was the downturn of things, everything began to go numb."
The therapist scribbled something down as she said numb. "Could you describe your sex life then? And actually make it more so as a whole, how did it start and what does it look like now?"
Zarya shifted in the seat, uncomfortable, but only able to patch her hands together and keep talking. "I guess I've always been into girls since my grade school days. Never really hated boys, I just kinda prefer chasing girls. Never really was the type to wear dresses or wear make-up. So the hair remained short and clothes remained comfortable. I mean at first it was a tomboy, a then I guess I never grew out of the phase." A noted pause to buy herself some time, before looking to make sure this was what she wanted to hear. "Sexually? I've always been on top, eating, licking, using the toys. Always been in charge and in control, and I love watching my partners enjoy it."
"And this past relationship was no different? Did you ever let her be "on top?"
"No. Never even came up." Zarya confessed
"So with these previous relationships? Do you feel like things grow stale and empty, and that's why you end them?"
Raised an eyebrow. "Y-Yeah I would say that's pretty accurate. I just stopped having fun with them. I stopped wanting to be with them, and I was kinda going through the motions."
"But you don't have that problem at the start of a relationship?"
"Never. I mean I wouldn't get into a relationship if I didn't enjoy the sex" Zarya scoffed
"Alright, well obviously sex is important for you in a relationship. What is your favorite sexual act? What do you enjoy being done to you?" The therapist raised an eyebrow in curiosity.
There was an astonishingly long pause here, one could think that Zarya just had a bit of a block, but by the way she sat there looking empty, it was clear she was thinking. A cough reawakened her. "Head, I like receiving head." She finally suggested.
Those eyebrows furled. "That wasn't very convincing. What helps bring you to Orgasm?"
Another pause, those eyes darting back and forth. "When they are good at it." Another awkward cough.
"Zarya…do you ever actually cum from sex?"
That question hit her like a ton of bricks, her fist clenching up into a body, and she swore that she could feel her own body quivering. "I mean not every time, I don't wanna sit there and wait to be pleased. Especially when they aren't good at it, but…not very often."
This next pause was the longest and most uncomfortable of them all. The pink-haired Russian could hear everything, from the annoying clicks in the clock to the lead dribbling over that page that must've had plenty of comments about her now.
"Zarya." There was a small pause as the therapist changed direction. "You used emptiness and void a lot with your previous therapist. Have you considered maybe getting closer to someone?"
It was a much-needed change of subject for both of them. As Zarya began to let her guard down. "Isn't that what dating is all about?" The pink-haired girl asked with a laugh.
"No. I feel like you might be dating these girls and refuse to get close to them. You put on this front so they never get to see the real you, and you don't ever get to know them." She gazed up from her notepad.
"Same conclusion the last one reached." Zarya immediately blurted out.
That managed to get a scowl from the therapist. "Would you like to know what I think then?"
"Knock yourself out."
"You are scared." She started off so bluntly "You are scared of being seen as weak, you are scared of being hurt, you are scared of being replaced. So you are willing to put other people ahead of you, and you hide behind this macho sense of pride from having ladies who love to sleep with you. Except you're so committed to that bit, that you end up learning to dislike sex. You get nothing out of sex, so it's only natural, but that's the truth. You sleep with a girl, they fall in love, you make it a commitment until sex becomes a chore, and then you split apart. Until the cycle continues with another girl." She wrote something down on that little pad. "Sex is this wonderfully passionate thing, but you're treating sex as a job. I don't think it will improve unless you change something."
Zarya was a little speechless, she hadn't witnessed something like that in a therapy session, a lot of the time they like to make you come to those conclusions yourself. "So what do you recommend?"
"I think a sexual change of pace might be nice. Think of it as adding something new to your diet. The next time you go out, and you're looking for a hook-up. Maybe try switching spots, let someone become intimate, or even initiate." She posed. "Go ahead and try that out and we can discuss next time about how that made you feel and what you should do forward."
"Um okay." Zarya began to get up. "I can go ahead and give that a try." The uneasiness in both their faces told the truth, neither of them was sure that they could do that, but it was a step. "I guess thanks for your time Doctor." Zarya moved her body, those black boots clicking the ground at the same time, those blue eyes taking one final look at the doctor, before a small smirk. "You know I think I like you the best." She commented as she stood up and stretched, the confidence reigniting inside her veins as soon as she wasn't trapped in here. "Could feel your reasoning for your question and you gave me a gameplan."
"Oh yeah? Will I need to pull your teeth like this next time?"
"This might've been the least painful shot I ever gotten, but I still got shot." Zarya commented. "It's all about small progress…baby steps."
"Baby steps." A smile rested on the therapist's face as the doctor remained seated and the Russian left the room.
Zarya let out a sigh as she settled into the almost comically stereotypical chair. It was impossible for those blue eyes to do anything but show content as they scattered around the room, looking from uninteresting object to uninteresting object as she crossed her arms, waiting for the therapist to get this thing started. Her black boots clicked together as she kicked them up, attempting to make herself somewhat…comfortable in an office. She didn't like to talk about her feelings at home so in a strange office? It was something she tried to get used to each time she stepped into one. Her arms were bare today, a sleeveless shirt that bared the branch of the military she used to be a part of, a pair of tight jeans that had different versions of a gray camo printed all over it. A pair of sunglasses slipped into the pocket of that tank top. Her legs crossed over one another, her hand gripping onto her muscular arms, naturally tracing scar without her even noticing. Her lips were already dry, but that was the nerves…It was crazy how she was calmer when under fire than in one of these.
Her body snapped to attention, before sitting back down. "Doctor Dorian" She greeted her.
"Aleksandra. But you prefer to just be called Zarya correct?" she stepped in with a half smile, taking a moment to settle in the opposing leather chair, this one allowing her to sit straight rather than reclined. She watched Zarya for a moment. "Are you not a fan of therapist Offices Zarya?" The woman asked.
"You know the other shrink asked the same thing." She began. "Hated them whenever I was sent to them. From the guidance counselor in school to the therapist in the army." She bit down on her bottom lip, already releasing the floodgate of her gripes. "I did such a good job at my last one I got sent here." The venom dripped from her voice as if she was being forced to go to these sessions and wasn't paying for them.
"You could've stuck with Dr. Ziegler, but we both agreed you might make better progress with me." Zarya looked over at her. Squinting at the sex therapist. "Would you mind indulging me why you don't like therapists?"
"I know, apparently it's a sexual issue…" She trailed off into a pause where she didn't quite believe that a muscled hand gripping her own thigh as she did something to help her think. "Look I like my problems…obvious. If I have a gaping hole in my chest, I can't avoid it and everyone can see it. With mental stuff, it's just…y'know, frustrating when I can't tell what's wrong, and I need someone to help with that." Zarya began to speak, twisting her head when she heard pencil to paper. "See that's why I don't like it! You didn't even tell me we stared!"
"I don't talk unless I get paid Zarya." There was a small smirk, but she continued on. "So, would you mind telling me why you stopped seeing your ex-girlfriend?"
The therapist could spot that entire body twitch for a second. "Damn, you don't hold back." Another second to pause and have herself think. "We just had to split our different ways." A very generic answer. "I simply think we weren't enjoying ourselves like we used to." There was their hesitation again. "Neither the company of one another nor the sex life." She clarified.
"Interesting." There was more marking on her paper. "How was your relationship with her? Both sexually and non?"
"It was…okay. I mean we got about as close as one can expect from a relationship that spanned half a year. I got to know, she got to know me. It wasn't ever tenuous or stressful, we just, lost the spark." There was a pause as she decided to clarify. "I will say the sexual spark turned off way before that. That probably was the downturn of things, everything began to go numb."
The therapist scribbled something down as she said numb. "Could you describe your sex life then? And actually make it more so as a whole, how did it start and what does it look like now?"
Zarya shifted in the seat, uncomfortable, but only able to patch her hands together and keep talking. "I guess I've always been into girls since my grade school days. Never really hated boys, I just kinda prefer chasing girls. Never really was the type to wear dresses or wear make-up. So the hair remained short and clothes remained comfortable. I mean at first it was a tomboy, a then I guess I never grew out of the phase." A noted pause to buy herself some time, before looking to make sure this was what she wanted to hear. "Sexually? I've always been on top, eating, licking, using the toys. Always been in charge and in control, and I love watching my partners enjoy it."
"And this past relationship was no different? Did you ever let her be "on top?"
"No. Never even came up." Zarya confessed
"So with these previous relationships? Do you feel like things grow stale and empty, and that's why you end them?"
Raised an eyebrow. "Y-Yeah I would say that's pretty accurate. I just stopped having fun with them. I stopped wanting to be with them, and I was kinda going through the motions."
"But you don't have that problem at the start of a relationship?"
"Never. I mean I wouldn't get into a relationship if I didn't enjoy the sex" Zarya scoffed
"Alright, well obviously sex is important for you in a relationship. What is your favorite sexual act? What do you enjoy being done to you?" The therapist raised an eyebrow in curiosity.
There was an astonishingly long pause here, one could think that Zarya just had a bit of a block, but by the way she sat there looking empty, it was clear she was thinking. A cough reawakened her. "Head, I like receiving head." She finally suggested.
Those eyebrows furled. "That wasn't very convincing. What helps bring you to Orgasm?"
Another pause, those eyes darting back and forth. "When they are good at it." Another awkward cough.
"Zarya…do you ever actually cum from sex?"
That question hit her like a ton of bricks, her fist clenching up into a body, and she swore that she could feel her own body quivering. "I mean not every time, I don't wanna sit there and wait to be pleased. Especially when they aren't good at it, but…not very often."
This next pause was the longest and most uncomfortable of them all. The pink-haired Russian could hear everything, from the annoying clicks in the clock to the lead dribbling over that page that must've had plenty of comments about her now.
"Zarya." There was a small pause as the therapist changed direction. "You used emptiness and void a lot with your previous therapist. Have you considered maybe getting closer to someone?"
It was a much-needed change of subject for both of them. As Zarya began to let her guard down. "Isn't that what dating is all about?" The pink-haired girl asked with a laugh.
"No. I feel like you might be dating these girls and refuse to get close to them. You put on this front so they never get to see the real you, and you don't ever get to know them." She gazed up from her notepad.
"Same conclusion the last one reached." Zarya immediately blurted out.
That managed to get a scowl from the therapist. "Would you like to know what I think then?"
"Knock yourself out."
"You are scared." She started off so bluntly "You are scared of being seen as weak, you are scared of being hurt, you are scared of being replaced. So you are willing to put other people ahead of you, and you hide behind this macho sense of pride from having ladies who love to sleep with you. Except you're so committed to that bit, that you end up learning to dislike sex. You get nothing out of sex, so it's only natural, but that's the truth. You sleep with a girl, they fall in love, you make it a commitment until sex becomes a chore, and then you split apart. Until the cycle continues with another girl." She wrote something down on that little pad. "Sex is this wonderfully passionate thing, but you're treating sex as a job. I don't think it will improve unless you change something."
Zarya was a little speechless, she hadn't witnessed something like that in a therapy session, a lot of the time they like to make you come to those conclusions yourself. "So what do you recommend?"
"I think a sexual change of pace might be nice. Think of it as adding something new to your diet. The next time you go out, and you're looking for a hook-up. Maybe try switching spots, let someone become intimate, or even initiate." She posed. "Go ahead and try that out and we can discuss next time about how that made you feel and what you should do forward."
"Um okay." Zarya began to get up. "I can go ahead and give that a try." The uneasiness in both their faces told the truth, neither of them was sure that they could do that, but it was a step. "I guess thanks for your time Doctor." Zarya moved her body, those black boots clicking the ground at the same time, those blue eyes taking one final look at the doctor, before a small smirk. "You know I think I like you the best." She commented as she stood up and stretched, the confidence reigniting inside her veins as soon as she wasn't trapped in here. "Could feel your reasoning for your question and you gave me a gameplan."
"Oh yeah? Will I need to pull your teeth like this next time?"
"This might've been the least painful shot I ever gotten, but I still got shot." Zarya commented. "It's all about small progress…baby steps."
"Baby steps." A smile rested on the therapist's face as the doctor remained seated and the Russian left the room.
[Alright! I managed 3/4 sections done! I think I might add one more simply to clarify what I'd like from you folks so you don't need to message me to ask if I enjoy 3rd person and can write 500 words (I can) to cut down on unnecessary PM's][/SPOILER]
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